Is Self-Care Selfish?
Self-care is not easy. People in general tend to put everything and everyone else before themselves, especially women. Trust me, I’m no different. We put our careers, boss, clients and businesses ahead of our sleep and sanity, take care of our significant others and children and only really focus on ourselves if everything else is done.
As a MILSO, we also organize all PCS paperwork and logistics, deal with deployment separation, emotions and reintegration, and starting over, all while thinking we need to put that above ourselves again.
Self-care is a super hot topic these days. Mental health is becoming less stigmatized, and the well-being of the average individual is becoming more and more prevalent.
This is good!
But along with the decrease of the overall stigma, also comes the trend of “Self-care Sundays” and the phrase “treat yo-self!”. People tend to believe that true self-care and indulgence into their own desires are the same thing. So what is the difference between self-care and selfishness?
It is important to make the distinction between the two. No one needs to feel guilty with take care of themselves. And similarly, it isn’t good to over-indulge under false pretenses.
Self-care is different for everyone. I personally find time to myself vital to recharge, but some may find taking a run or knitting to be important for their sanity. Our body, mind and spirit deserve to find what helps me in the long run.
When distinguishing between self-care and selfishness, I have laid out some guidelines that may help you when finding your own path to self-care.
Self-Care Should…
Be Intentional
Your time is valuable. Honor your own time and commitments to yourself. Think about how you spend your time with your SO. Especially when you know you have limited time with them. Are you intentional with your time with them? You want to make the most of the time you have with them and not waste it, am I right?
You should apply this same school of thought to your own self-care and the way you spend your time on yourself. Do not waste it, and be intentional.
Make you Stronger and Better
Good self-care gives you the strength to know that you are enough. It provides you with the tools and ability to recharge your batteries so then you can become stronger in your confidence, your self-worth and therefore, your ability to help others along the way.
As a MILSO, we need to be stronger than we may think: and we can be! By providing good self-care practices, we are providing ourselves that strength that we need.
Benefit Multiple Aspects of Your Life
When you take care of yourself, the benefits will spill over into many other aspects of your life. When you are happier and healthier, your job performance, personal relationships, sleep habits and other aspects will all benefit in the end.
It Should Not…
Be Numbing or Avoid Discomfort
Being numbing means that whatever you are doing for self-care is an attempt to cover up an emotion you do not want to face. Problems do not always go away just because we try to avoid or ignore them.
Proper self-care will give you the tools to effectively cope with the discomforts of life, restoring your strength.
Be Over Indulgent
Some aspects of feeling good or “treat yo’ self” can become addictive if you are not careful. This could be as simple as getting cup of your favorite Starbucks drink when you want a treat, to feeling like you HAVE to have one in order to function. Make sure to check in with yourself if you find those indulgences becoming more like a compulsion.
Cost You Beyond Your Means
Just because it’s labeled at self-care, it doesn’t mean you should be going broke or charging something you do not have the money for. Financial strain will cause more long term problems than the pleasure a fleeting purchase will give you.
There are plenty of self-care practices that will cost little to no upfront cost and will give the same benefit. Of course, if you have the funds and finding a new dress for a homecoming will provide the joy you are looking for – go for it! Just make sure that whatever you do is within your means.
So is Self-care Selfish?
Short answer: NO!
When done the right way, self-care is actually one of the least selfish things you can do. It isn’t always about doing more, spending more, or being more. It’s about being present for yourself. This will in turn make a difference to your family, your service member and yourself.
And if you are looking for some inspiration on how to get started, be sure to check out my ebook, specifically for MILSOs!
