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I love the holiday season!
There is something magical about this time of year that seems to draw out the child in all of us. The holidays are a wonderful time to reach out to family members, spend much needed time with friends and to make new relationships with neighbors and co-workers.
There are parties, vacation trips, decorations, great food and presents: so many opportunities for social gatherings and fun!
But as a MILSO whose loved one is deployed….it can be a lonely and isolating time of year. Between usually living far from home (another state OR another country), having children and/or work, and the cost of travel these days, most MILSOs tend to spend the holidays alone.
Surviving the Holidays
Surviving the holidays without your loved one is one of the toughest parts about military life. You focus all your attention to staying positive and put on a brave face but really, its only a matter time before it can become too much.
As a fellow military spouse, I know exactly where you are coming from. Although not easy, I feel there are a few tried and true ways to get through the holidays on your own, and maybe even add a little magic into the season.
1. Surround Yourself with Positivity
This is probably the most important of all the tips for you today. Although it is perfectly normal to feel negative emotions, you want to make an assertive effort to surround yourself with positivity!
Find those people in your life who truly love and care for you and who support your relationship. Those individuals will be there when you need to take some time to ugly cry (and you probably will, THAT’S OK!), but then will also know when and how to help you move forward.
Find people who will get you out of the house, show up at your door with some chocolate and a movie, or who will take your kids for you to get some self-care accomplished! These people are your TRIBE. Hang onto them and never let go.
Stay clear of those people who will have a negative affect on your mood and emotions: Negative Nellies are not welcome! You don’t want to surround yourself with people who are not sympathetic to your situation (reminding you how it sucks to be alone) or who will roll their eyes are you in annoyance any time you mention your significant other (um, who needs that?).
In fact, those people are probably ones you should stay clear of even after the holidays.
2. Say YES over NO
Sometimes it may feel easier to just stay home and ride out the holidays. However, trust me, you don’t want to look back on your holidays and have the only memories consist of you staying home in your PJ, eating chocolate and binge watching sad movies.
So if you get invited somewhere, then go! Go to the movies, parties, shopping, get your nails done, meet at a coffee shop. Whatever it is, set your default response to YES and go.
3. Maintain Traditions (or make some new ones!)
Do you always put the tree up on Dec 1st? Do it. Is hosting an Ugly Sweater Party your usual jam? Host away! Many times, maintaining your traditions during the holidays is an easy way to bring familiarity and comfort to an difficult situation (aka. Deployment), especially if you have children.
However, there is nothing wrong with making NEW traditions or spicing up the holidays with something new. Maybe this year you want to go caroling at a nursing home, or go Black Friday shopping with a good friend instead of just shopping online. DO it!
Take some time to write down and really think about what you want to do this holiday season. This will not only keep you organized but give you something to look forward to.
3. Include your Spouse
Although difficult, communication with your service member will help keep the holidays more cheery and bright. Take photos, send emails, schedule a Skype/Facetime call (maybe open gifts during that time), send care packages and buy/wrap their gifts. No need to erase them from the holiday celebrations altogether! Plus, being able to hear your loved one’s voice/seeing their face can be just the thing to push you forward as you wait for them to come home.
Care packages are actually some of my favorite ways to include my spouse in the holiday celebrations. Include photos, favorite snacks/gum, hygiene items, comfy socks, small books, crossword/sudoku puzzles, small electronics, phone cards and writing materials (stamps, envelopes, etc) or anything else you feel your SO would enjoy. One deployment, I sent two boxes. One had all the small stuff and one I stuffed a blanket I made with print from his favorite basketball team. It is STILL a favorite blanket in this house.
4. Take Time for Self-Care
You are doing a GREAT job. You have said yes to each invite, you found some traditions you want to maintain and picked a new one for the year. You have your care package in the mail (early even) and your Christmas shopping is done. But have you taken time for yourself?
Simple self-care is just what the doctor ordered for holiday deployment blues. What that means is different for everyone, but one thing remains the same: Self-care should feed your soul and “fill your bucket”. Getting your nails done, reading a good book, meditation, revamping space in your home, and spending time with friends (remember, the positive influences) are all examples of self-care which may work for you. Once you determine what is important for you, make sure to not throw that all out the window this time of year.
You got this!
Deployments are HARD. They are not for the faint of heart. I have cried (ugly cried) many times due to missing my husband during deployments, Christmas day alone with my kids while pregnant and so many other special moments. I am beginning to lose count.
Thats ok!
If there is one thing I have learned, its that having a good “ugly cry” over the bad and the ugly of military life (and there is some, if I’m being honest), is normal. Perfectly normal.
There is good news! Deployments are also temporary; just a blimp in time when compared to your lives together. My hope is that these tips help make that time go more quickly and have you come out on the other side feeling better than when you started. So gather up your tribe, schedule some activities and self-care in your calendar, send that care package and make a lot of memories this holiday season!
