Feeling like you are running on empty? Here are some easy steps towards better Self-Care – PLUS FREE worksheet!
The alarm rings and you hit the snooze for the 3rd time.
Any minute the kids will be up, so you drag yourself out of bed. You stayed up way too late last night, and then the baby was up several times with teething issues. You are exhausted, but you have no choice – you start your day.
Next comes breakfast, getting the kids ready for school, checking and rechecking backpacks, packing lunches and carpool. Add in calling to confirm the plumber, doctor appointments for physicals, preschool drop off, work, pickups and then lunch.
That’s just before noon! By the time it’s bedtime, you are still exhausted, but there is still more to do.
Your spouse is gone once again.
Another deployment/workup has taken control of your lives. You tell yourself that you can handle anything until you are reunited; that it isn’t too long and once they get home, then you will take some time to yourself. However, you can feel yourself unraveling very slowly.
Military Spouse Life
As the spouse of service member, there are additional factors making all this even more complicated. Moving every 18 months-3 years on average means starting over.
Finding new friends, service providers, activities, schools, church just to name a few can cause even the most seasoned spouse to put themselves on the back burner.
Deployments, workups, on-call schedules, and the unpredictability of their spouses work also come into play. There is added pressure of being both mother and father to their children while that parent is gone.
Sound familiar?? Yeah, this has been my life. I often put self-care on the back burner. After all, I don’t feel I have a choice. More often than not, if I do not get it done, then it won’t get done.
But this isn’t healthy.
More often than not, it takes a wake-up call to notice the toll this kind of lifestyle takes on our lives. No matter how selfish it may sound, self-care is something vital to every person, but especially to ones whose spouses are not around to share in the burden of life.
Here are three reasons why self-care should not be neglected:
- Better Overall Heath: Self-care is not just for your mental health. It’s also about focusing on your physical body and what it needs. Establishing good habits like physical exercise, taking vitamins, eating healthy foods and getting enough sleep can help your overall physical health.
- Stress management: Although this may seem obvious, sometimes it’s important to remind ourselves that there are so many hours in the day. Having constant stress in our lives has an adverse effect on our overall health. By taking time for self-care, we help reduce that stress while also boosting our confidence, mood and overall outlook on our lives.
- Reminding us of our self-worth: You are WORTH the time for self-care. Repeat that with me: YOU ARE WORTH IT. Self-care reminds us of this and can also helps us remember that we are just as important as others and that our needs and wants should be taken into consideration. Self-care does not equal selfish.
Time to make a change
I can’t say that there was a specific event that caused me to realize how important self-care is. However, I will say, it was soon after my 2nd child was born. My life pretty much evolved around my children, my husband and his job.
My son had colic, refused a paci or battle and was (was still IS) a “momma’s boy”. It was rare in the first 6 months of his life when I would ever get time to myself.
My husband, bless his heart, tried so hard. He was on shore duty and was home more than usual and so he would take over and encourage me to get out of the door and on my own. But I would always refuse.
I actually felt guilty. I soon realized the problem and decided to take the steps to fix it.
So I made a change.
I wrote down what was important to me and really focused only on those things about me. However, I didn’t want my goals to just be having mani-pedi’s but also about building relationships, my spirituality and relationship with God, and my mental well-being.
So, I joined a running group, a bunco group, made “mommy” friends, and stuck to my goals. It was not easy, but the blessings I got from doing that far outweigh any discomfort I felt initially. I am not perfect at self-care and continue to work on it.
Since I am a visual person, I kept myself accountable by first creating and then using a worksheet. This help me breakdown four main areas of self-care. I was then able to make some new goals for self-care for the future. Now I am sharing it with YOU!
When filling out this worksheet, here are some questions to ask yourself to help you focus on YOUR needs in self-care:
- What are some signs I need to dedicate more time to self-care?
- Are there current things in my life that are working in regards to self-care?
- Are there current things in my life that are NOT working in regards to self-care?
- What are some new acts of self-care I would like to incorporate into my routine?
- How can I ensure more self-care time to my daily/weely/monthly routine?
Take time to fill out this worksheet every few months or when you feel in a rut. Allow yourself to evaluate what works and what isn’t working and be sure to be honest with yourself!
So what can you do for Self-Care?
After all, self-care isn’t always complicated or require a babysitter or appointment. Here are 5 simple ways to start incorporating self-care into your routine (no babysitter required!):
- GO to bed EARLY! – Unless something terrible will happen if you do not complete a task, set an alarm reminding you to go to bed and just do it. It will be worth it.
- Go for a walk – strap those babies in the stroller or take a walk on your own. Fresh air and getting your heart rate up can boost your mood and energy levels fast.
- Create a new habit – One thing I always wanted to do for my own care is a face-washing routine. Using my habit tracker, I have successfully been able to create a new habit that focuses on MY needs/wants.
- Unplug – Sometimes taking a little bit of time to unplug from the rest of the world, particularly social media can provide some self-care love both mentally and emotionally to help us recharge.
- Just Say “No” – Too often we say YES to little things that we feel we can handle, but we end up taking on too many of those little things and it can all come to a head at some point. Learning the skill of just saying “no” can be a self-care strategy that helps in almost all the areas.
Taking the steps to put YOUR care higher in your priorities will bless, not only your life, but those around you. After all, as the old saying goes, “you cannot pour from an empty cup”.
