The time has come: deployment. Not exactly a four-letter word, but something that no one wants to hear. Deployment comes along with uncertainty as well as a load of different emotions. These emotions are difficult for adults, so imagine how it feels when you are a child. As adults, we have plenty of resources to fall back on. We have people to talk to, tips and tricks to fall back on and so many products to help make the transition easier.
But what about the kids? They are strong individuals who have so many amazing qualities. But deployment is tough no matter what and they deserve all the support and help we have give them when dealing with those emotions. After all, they didn’t choose this life.
So here is my SUPER huge, and EXTREMELY helpful list of resources, products and tips for helping your MILKID cope with deployment in the best ways!
Products
Books
There are SO many benefits to reading with/to your kids. So making good book choices that not only highlight those benefits, but are tailored to those unique situations that military children face can have an even bigger impact. I have gathered a dozen books specifically for military children focusing on their amazing lives and challenges from moving to deployments. Some of my favorites for deployments include Deployment: One Of Our Pieces Is Missing, My Daddy Sleeps Everywhere, Countdown ’til Daddy Comes Home and Daddy left with Mr. Army.
Quilts
Volunteers at the Armed Services YMCA create custom-made photo transfer quilts and pillows to help with the separation of deployment. Each child receives a quilt or pillow; children 6 and under receive a quilt, 7 and older receive a pillow. Operation Kid Comfort quilts and pillows are for the children of our deployed active duty U.S. military service men and women.
The hand-crafted quilts and pillow help children cope with emotional stress during a parent’s deployment. Operation Kid Comfort is offered to all active duty children, and created by loving volunteers at our branch locations across the country.
Claiming your quilt is very easy. Check out the website for a list of locations where they are available. I have had them shipped to my local base when I have moved away from our original base when we first requested.
Wrapped in Love Blankets
Created by Military Apparel company, these blankets are amazing. Send in 3 uniform tops of your loved one and you will receive back a soft blanket lined with minky fabric. A fantastic keepsake and something for them to cherish. This company also makes bags, bows and a cuddly teddy bears made from military uniforms.
Loom Journals
If you are looking for a way to connect with your children or for your children to connect with you before, during and after a deployment, then journaling is really a wonderful and effective way. The Loom Journal is unique because it provides guided questions for both the child and parent to answer side by side in the book (but can be at different times). It also allows the child to discuss emotions, recognize both the negative and positive and focus on gratitude in their lives. Make sure to check them out!
Daddy Doll
Hug-A-Hero dolls are my families personal favorites for keeping daddy close when he is gone. You provide a full length photo of your loved one and pick your backing fabric pattern. Then add in any extras, such as text or voice recording and it is shipped directly to your door. They also have pillow cases, photo blankets and cuddle buddies. You can use the code NAVYMAMA for 15% off your purchase!
Stay Positive Deployment Chart
Made for ages 4 and older, this chart is a fun way to motivate a positive attitude while their parent is gone. Key elements on the chart include:
- Children can mark their family member’s location on the map of the world and write information about them
- a week to view calendar for children to complete with fun, busy activities
- There is also a check list to help children move positively through the week covering topics such as eat healthily, get active, keep smiling, interact with friends and write a message to their serving family member
- record weekly events
- set goals and targets and to monitor progress.
Originally designed in the UK, it is not available in the US for those military kids who deserve some positivity during a rough period of time.
FatHead
A fun resource to make some really cool products for your kids, including cardboard cutouts, to vinyl die prints for the wall. After all, what kid doesn’t want a life size vinyl wall of their loved one right on their wall! I’ve seen videos of kiddos talking to their loved ones and it is the cutest thing!
Resources
United Through Reading
Many commands already have a program through United Through Reading, and if so, your service member can sign up to make a recording. With the assistance of the command’s UTR volunteer, they can choose from a selection of books of varying topics and age ranges. The volunteer will then assist the service member in making a private recording. Once the recording is finished, the volunteer will give them the video, and (at most recording locations) the book, which can then be mailed to the military child.
United Through Reading (UTR) serves Army, Navy, Marine Corps, Air Force, Coast Guard, National Guard, Reserves, and Special Operations Forces for all types of separation including deployment, drill weekends, and duty nights.
Operation Purple Camp
Operation Purple Camp (OPC) offers military kids a free week of camp where they connect with other military kids, just like them. OPC welcomes children ages 7-17 from all Uniformed Services, including National Guard, Reserve, and the Commissioned Corps of the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration and United States Public Health Service.
So why purple?? It’s the perfect mix of Army green, Coast Guard blue, Air Force blue, Marine Corps red, and Navy blue. It’s not in every state so check out to see if there is one close to you!
Military Kids Connect
Military Kids Connect is an online community for military children ages 6-17, and provides access to age-appropriate resources to support children dealing with the unique psychological challenges of military life. MKC offers informative activities, helpful videos, and an online community that can build and reinforce understanding, resilience, and coping skills in military children and their peers.
Through videos, activities, and participation in MKC’s monitored online forums, children can share their own ideas, experiences, and suggestions with other military children, helping them to know they are not alone in dealing with the stresses of military life.
They are very aware and safety is their number one priority; they pre-moderate all online forums to ensure no personally identifiable information is present.
Comfort Crew
The Comfort Crew Programs are provided to military families completely free of charge, and combine customized in-person live experiences, animated DVD’s, and guided journals to open kids up to talking about the “tough stuff.” These unique edutainment experiences allow us to talk about serious subjects in a way that is accessible to children. All Comfort Crew Kits are designed to support children ages 6-12.
Sesame Street for Military Families
From videos to printable PDF worksheets and coloring pages, there is something for every little kiddo out there. I have always loved sesame street for my littles and in resent years, I have noticed an upward trend in recognizing military children and their families and the unique lives they live. In addition to deployment, they also have topics on relocation, grief, homecomings and so many more topics. Make sure to check it out!
Tips and Tricks
#1. Talk to Your Kids Prior
Prior to your spouse leaving, take some time, sit down and explain to your children exactly where their other parent is going and WHY they are going. Be specific and age appropriate. Feel free to use the resources and products listed above to help as you discuss how they are feeling. Let them know how they can help while their mom/dad is gone.
#2. Make the Day Their Dad Leaves Special
Depending on the age of your kids, they may not understand or be sad yet. You, on the other hand, will. Making a fun day for your kids will not only help them but it will help you. Do whatever they want to do, go indoor rollerblading, go to the trampoline park, go shopping, order pizza and watch movie, make a pillow fort, keep them (and yourself) occupied. Don’t focus on mom/dad leaving right now.
#3. Make a Routine Early and Stick To It
Kids thrive on routine; this is something that has been tested time and time again. Honestly though, I feel it works just as well with grown ups. I know I thrive on it! A main reason why it is important is that it will help you feel more sane; especially when your spouse is gone and you are caring for your children without any assistance. The smoother you can make the daily routine before your loved one leaves, the easier it will be for you and your kids once they do.
#4. Keep Busy and Involve Them in as Much as Possible
Go on play-dates, visit the grandparents, have the kids help make dinner, give them chores to do, play fun games and activities. While my husband was gone I make sure to have a bucket list the kids contribute to and we cross it all one right after the other throughout the time. It is not always easy, but having realistic expectations for activities can keep your children excited but also make it easier for you as the MILSO to stick with the list as you count down.
#5. Give Them Something to Look Forward To
It is easier to focus on short term goals than the long deployment timeline. I recommend that once a week plan an activity or adventure that they can focus on. Not only will it keep their mind busy, but it will help the time go by faster. Then, by the time each activity comes, you are just a little bit closer to homecoming day. Remember to take pictures so they can show them to mom/dad!
Additionally, have them help to plan homecoming day together! Get your kids really involved! Picking out a poster or decorations for a party, helping to decorate or even planning the meal for the first family dinner are all great options! Remember though, don’t start too early, their attention spans are not great and you may be setting yourself up for a “are we there yet” situation (if you aren’t in one already).
Final thoughts
Deployments do not have to be a four-letter word to your family. Although negative emotions can and WILL come and go throughout a deployment, I hope that these resources will provide your little ones with more than just a little comfort in an unideal situation.
