Let’s be real for a minute.
I’m often asked how we handle the holiday season as a military family. Some ask out of curiosity, others simply don’t know how they would handle it themselves. Truth is, we do the best we can based on whatever is happening in our lives at that moment. And sometimes, we celebrate the holidays during deployment.
The reality: there are years that we are all together and some when we are not. There are deployments and assignments that change our typical family traditions and there are often tears – both happy and sad.
As military families, instead of traveling “back home” for the holidays, most years we tend to stay put for Christmas and make our own traditions at home. This can be hard for our families to understand and sometimes it is hard to accept ourselves. Many times, I have been frustrated at our situation when I found myself facing the holidays during deployment.
So what can we do?
– Be Direct With Yourself
Start off by being honest with yourself. If you are not able to travel for the holidays, know that it probably won’t always be that way. But depending on the year and plans… it may mean staying home for Christmas. That’s ok!
– Explain the Plans to Your Family.
Plane tickets cost money, road trips with little kids aren’t usually fun, and transporting gifts is a pain. Logistically, and economically, it’s much easier to stay home for the holidays. Make sure to explain this to both your immediate family (I’m talking kids) and your extended family.
– Include Extended Family if Possible.
Since you’re not traveling home to be with them, invite the family to your home for the holidays. Or try other ways to include them. Skype, FaceTime, and make an effort to include them in your plans. Help them to feel a part of your holidays even if you can’t be together.
– Start New Traditions.
Since Christmas is a busy time of the year and expensive to travel, suggest making a new tradition that brings the whole extended family together. This is an easy way to get through the holidays during deployment
Here are some suggestions to get you started!
1. Volunteer
Military life can often cause us to focus on our own life (especially during a deployment) and miss what is going on around us. It is important to take time to look outward and think of ways we can help those around us. Choose a day during the holiday season for a service project or volunteer opportunity in your community. This can be anything from volunteering at a shelter, cleaning a public park or donating blood to your local hospital. Get your whole family involved, really focusing on the “reason for the season”. You will be amazed at how this can change your outlook.
2. Track Santa
If your family believes in Santa, use the NORAD Santa tracker to watch where Santa is while delivering toys around the world. This is one of my kid’s favorite and we just started it last year. Set a timer on your phone and have the kids check the website every hour. Another idea is to time your alarms for the times when Santa will be visiting friends, family, and your spouse throughout the day. If your family has PCSed to different places, you can add those places to your list of points of interest, too.
3. Add A Special Holiday Advent
Many families have different deployment countdowns, or count-ups. Each day of deployment each child gets a (Hershey) kiss from Mom or Dad, or takes off one of the links from the paper chain. It’s a great way to keep the deployed parent present in the family, even when they are not physically there.
During the holiday season, add a special advent to your daily count-up. Encourage your kids to draw or write something that makes them happy on a slip of paper and put it into a jar. On the last day of Hanukkah, Christmas Eve or New Year’s Eve, read them together as a reminder that there are many things to be grateful for, even during deployment.
4. Send A Card
There are some fun examples of holiday cards which include your service member while deployed. You know the one I’m referring to! Consider creating one yourself! Usually these cards feature the family at home holding a sign that says “Merry” and a picture of the deployed service member holding a sign saying “Christmas” or vice versa.
5. Document!
Make sure, if you aren’t already, to document the holiday moments for anyone who is missing. I love videos of the initial look of the tree, decorating the house, baking cookies, etc. If you have children who are old enough, put them to work to record and edit the video! You can then upload it privately to Facebook or YouTube. Then send the link to friends, family, and your deployed spouse.
Happy Holidays!
Holiday celebrations during deployment will look different. We may not be able to visit family, but we do have the opportunity to start new traditions and create amazing memories.
