Sometimes, with my clients, I ask “So when, exactly, is it going to be enough?” It’s a fun question to ask, that. A fun land in which to find oneself. For me, personally – I found it during our PCS to Rome.
Can I tell you a story?
First of all, we are incredibly blessed. Not only are we all whole, healthy, and well, we are currently stationed in Rome, Italy (my husband is at the embassy here). Yes, the country of wine, delicious food…and coronavirus. And really and truly – we love it. And we’re so happy to be here.
As it was our 8th move in our military career, and third move overseas, I figured I had the PCS to get here under my belt. And as it dragged out – as our passports got delayed AGAIN, as we couch-surfed at a friend’s house AGAIN, as we carried my computer on my lap in our tiny car stuffed with all of our children and belongings AGAIN (yes, all of the things we have all done, so many times)…
I said to myself the holy grail of milspos: This is fine! I can make this work! I’m stronger than this! And do you know what? It was fine.
I shucked and jived, as we all do in those situations, setting up a workstations at each airbnb. Also, I smiled when I didn’t want to and came up with fun outings for my husband and kids to go on while I worked (he was just waiting for those orders…) I talked about how fun it would be when we got there! And, of course, I convinced myself of how much fun it was, so that they could follow my lead.
I did, in short, all the things that we all do in those situations.
And it was fine….sort of.
And then…after finally, FINALLY making it to the airport with our 16 bags, after being told that we couldn’t go on the flight because the credit card the government made us use had exceeded its limit because the government contractor that we also had to use had booked us on the non-government flights at $4,000 per person, after being fine – no cheerful! – with that, and sitting with the children, calming my husband down, waiting for the next flight…after it took so long for us to get our bags again that we missed the next and last flight out….after calling the government travel agency AGAIN to help us out….after me, finally, getting on the phone, and telling the woman that this was unreasonable, that this wasn’t working, that she needed to help us…and after she told me “ma’am, you need to calm down.”
After that, my friends. After that. IT WASN’T FINE.
Soooo…this is the point in the story where my children usually look at the listeners and solemnly say:“And that’s when mommy lost her bananas.”
And do you know what? I did. Oh yes I did. And it’s not in the way that they thought.
I lost my bananas in sitting back and not speaking up for my own life. I lost my bananas in accepting that I was “just a mom,” and “just a dependent” and “just a spouse.” I lost my bananas in it all being “fine” – and realized that we were made for more than fine. We were made for brilliant. Of course.
I lost my bananas…and I found the land of “Enough.”
I found the land where there had been enough of the “this is ridiculous” to start caring about – and standing up for – myself. And the land where there was just enough “this is being made into a stressful situation for literally no reason” to start changing my habits – and living the life I always dreamed I’d have. And, wonderfully, the place of enough “What are we all DOING right now?” to put my own dreams to the forefront, and pay – yes, pay money to help little old me, FINALLY – to get the skills to make those dreams happen. When I lost those bananas that were weighing me down, I started realizing how much my life was made for a purpose. MY LIFE. And that I get to do “life” exactly one time.
And that, of course, was when I started to fly.
It’s a fun point, that Land of Enough. Very liberating to run there – and one I train every leader on when I have the chance. I bless that PCS for the Enough Land that it brought to me.
Because in that “enoughness”: I found myself.
And we, oh fab fellow milspos, are more than enough to shake up this little old world, indeed.
