Congrats! You are having a baby!
Congrats! You are expecting a bundle of joy! Whether this is your first or 13th pregnancy, having a baby is an exciting time! But then you find out that you will be experiencing the pregnancy or having a baby during deployment. This can feel like such a game changer! I know the feeling.
As a military wife and mom of three (going on four), my husband and I have been through numerous deployments while I was pregnant or right after having a baby. But I didn’t just want to share MY experiences and expertise. So I reached out to some amazing MILSOs to provide you with some of the best tips to make this experience maybe….not quite so daunting. So check out what they have to say!
Be Empowered
The biggest pointer I can give is to line up support for yourself. You do not have to do this alone! Research support services offered at your duty station (the Army provides support services through the Army Community Services New Parent Support Program), consider hiring a doula, line up family and friends if possible for before, during, & afterbirth, and lastly learn all you can by attending birth education classes at your base or hospital. All of these things can prepare and empower you tremendously. – Wendi Iacobello: Strength 4 Spouses
Prep All The Things
Prepping for a baby is quite similar to when you are prepping for any other deployment. Having a stocked freezer of meals, and all completed paperwork, including a Special POA detailing things you will need after the baby comes. Consider finding a good sitter (if you have other children) and setting expectations are just some of the items you can work on before your SO leaves.
But do not stress if you do not have every single things completed before your SO departs. There is always time to prep the nursery, complete a registry and all those other fun things while your SO is gone. Make a list and complete the most important items first and then use the rest to complete goals to help pass the time until your SO returns. – Noralee Jones: Mrs. Navy Mama
Find Your Tribe
Our 3rd baby was born during a deployment. From the moment I learned I was pregnant, we knew my husband would be gone for the birth because it would fall during his combat deployment to Afghanistan. It took a while for me to accept and adjust to the situation.
Even though my other 2 births has been fairly normal with healthy babies, it was terrifying to think about going through the experience without him. I made plans so I would not be alone during the birth: my mom would visit to watch my toddlers. A doula (birth coach/nurse) would be with me in the hospital. I invited a good friend who was also a mom to come hold my hand and cheer me up.
The plans helped me feel more confident… until a hurricane hit our town the day I went into labor! Even though the base shut down, the hospital delivery floor was still open. My husband did not have video calls, but we did have connection through a texting app, so he was able to write messages and receive photos of our son right away. It was a difficult situation I would not wish on anyone, but I felt so strong and proud after I made it through! – Lizann Lightfoot – Seasoned Spouse
The best advice I can give is to find someone you love and trust to be with you during the birth. Even if you are told the military will send your SO home for the birth. Anything can happen and having a support person with you is a must. You can also hire a doula, which is another level of birth support that can step in if your spouse isn’t going to be there. – Julie Provost – Soldiers Wife, Crazy Life.
Use Technology
We had our third child during a deployment. I would say that one of my best tips is to try to set up everything so that hubby can connect via phone or FaceTime during delivery if possible (Red Cross info, permission from command, phone numbers, etc.). We had hubby on the phone but I couldn’t hear his voice during the c-section. He heared me freaking out, so he hung up and called back. Then we could hear each other and he said he heard the whole thing. It was crazy, but I’m glad it worked out! You never know what’s going to happen with the connection, but overall a healthy baby is the most important thing! – Heather Goffrier – Strong with Grace
Make Fun New Traditions!
We did want to find out the gender, so we did it in a fun way to incorporate my spouse. I closed my eyes as the doctor was checking, and then he texted my husband. I walked around for half a day with the gender text in my purse (it was so challenging not to peek!). My husband was the first to know the gender and called me to reveal it. It was a special moment I will always remember. PRO TIP: You can also have a friend email the results or send gender review items on the deployment with your SO’s commanding officer (with prior planning). This can be a fun surprise for your SO while they are gone! – Lindsay Swobada – Uplifting Anchor
Utilize Amazing Programs
When David Simmons deployed in 2018, his wife Hannah was pregnant and was due to give birth while he was gone. David was sad to be missing he birth and was concerned that their daughter would not know him when he got home. Enter United Through Reading (UTR)! Simmons recorded Daddy’s Lullaby and sent it home to his wife. She watched it throughout her pregnancy and after their daughter’s birth. This helped their daughter get acquainted with her dad’s voice before he returned home. It also became a part of their bedtime routine, helping ease the reintegration process for the whole family. It also helped Hannah during those tough months of deployment, she said:
“Receiving this DVD and hearing my husband’s voice reading to our unborn baby truly melted my heart. To some it may just be a man being recorded reading a book but to me it was so much more. It was reassurance from my husband that I am not alone, that despite the miles, he is supporting me, supporting our family and the new chapter of parenthood we are crossing into.”- Jessica Hall: United Through Reading
Have Confidence In Yourself
How can you really prepare for a child without your spouse? How can you set your mind at ease and give yourself comfort for all the difficulties you know must lie ahead? My advice would be to simply breathe. Just take one day, one hour, one minute at a time and move through your time the best you can. Find the good, find the joys, even if they seem insignificant and small. Allow yourself extra leniency and time to adjust and grow. Do not focus on how difficult things are but in how strong and how capable YOU are. – Chandelle Walker – Kids Books By Chandelle
You got this Mama!
Whether this is your first child or not, the most important thing is to savor every moment throughout the pregnancy and the birth. Prepare yourself and know that you can do this!
