When you become a MILSO, there is going to be a learning curve. You won’t be able to understand how everything works right away. You might make some mistakes as a MILSO: it’s bound to happen. There will be disappointments and triumphs. You will meet your best friend and your worst enemy! You’ll also find and invent yourself over and over again. So, if you’re new to this life here are a few mistakes you will make as MILSO but know that it’s completely okay.
Having Incorrect Expectations of Military Lifestyle
Military life has a reputation of being romanticized. That super sexy uniform, the strength of your military member, the dream of traveling around the world. All sounds great, right?
Unfortunately, the military is the grim reaper of expectations. Moving all over the world sounds fun and adventurous but you have to make it past the stress of finding somewhere to live and broken items first. You’ll make plans then you’ll often have to change them and forget planning something a year in advance. A lot of times you’ll be alone or a single parent. It’s an adjustment but it is POSSIBLE. You’ll get used to it and adjust accordingly.
On the plus side, that uniform is still just as sexy as ever, I promise.
Not Taking Advantage of Your Current Duty Station
This is such a common mistake for military spouses of all lengths and seasons. You move to a new place, maybe you hate it at first, you create a “bucket list” and figure, you have all the time in the world to “learn to love it”. But before you know it, new orders come your way and that bucket list seems overwhelming to finish. There are many ways to take advantage of every duty station you find yourself at, even the less than desirable ones. Make some time before you even get to your new place to scout out all the possible fun, make your bucket list and plan to take advantage of something on that list within the first couple of months.
Not Making Friends
One of the best things you can do in your military life is to find friends to walk through this journey with. Friends who understand deployments and what going through a PCS every few years is really like, and friends who you can make memories with during the years you are a military spouse.
Remember that you are not the only one looking for a good friend. Most of the other people at your duty station are too. Try to put yourself out there to meet others. Leave the judgement at the door and be open to meeting people outside of your comfort zone. Find fun things for you and your kids to do where you can meet people and have fun in the process. Join some Facebook groups and make plans to fill up your calendar with fun events and meetings.
Forgetting that the Military comes First
The military has to come first most of the time. That’s just the reality of military life. It doesn’t really matter that you are going to have a baby in the middle of a deployment, you just got your dream job, or that you want to live closer to your family. This is one of the hardest things to learn about military life. A good command will try to help families when they can but because of the mission that isn’t always possible.
And whatever you do….do NOT go over your spouse’s chain of command. Doing so is a BIG no-no. You don’t want to do that. This will only upset people and could come down to your own SO getting in trouble. There will be plenty of times when a command comes down and you will want your spouse to do something about it. Trust me, I have been there. In a civilian job, departments like HR have ways to help when there is a problem. But this is not how it is in military life. Remember that there is a chain of command for a reason; and important reason. Be respectful of it, even if you do not like the outcome.
Neglecting Your Needs
While MILSOs certainly can be compared to Wonder Woman (or Superman), one of the biggest mistakes that can be made is neglecting our own needs. It is so important to practice self-care and make sure our own happiness and health a priority. I have said this before; you cannot pour from an empty cup! I’m serious! If we are unhappy, feeling tired, or under-appreciated, then everything starts falling by the wayside. We need simple self-care habits to implement on a consistent (if not daily) basis. By putting our needs in the front of our lives, we will be better prepared to handle all the rest that life, especially military life, throws at us.
There Is No Such Thing As A Perfect Military Spouse.
You will make mistakes as a MILSO along the way; but you can learn from them. Your military life is a journey. One in which you will always be growing and learning along the way. Overtime, you will grow to be the person that your SO needs, your tribe needs and who you need to be while living this life.
