Being a military spouse was not my original plan.
He was stationed in my home town while serving in the United States Coast Guard. He was the strong, silent and shy type: I was the loud, energetic outgoing one. We met at a church young-adult activity and, over time, I got the nerve to ask him out (yes, you read that correctly, I asked HIM out). Our first date required formal attire and he wore his dress uniform.
The rest is history: I fell in love with a military man and 4 years later we got hitched.
By then, he was out of the military and a couple years later we’d both graduated from college, bought our first home together and decided to start a family. We’d made friends in our neighborhood, had good jobs and were planning for the future. Then one rainy day, seemingly out of the blue, my husband said “I think I should go back into the military.”
Imagine my reaction.
I just stood there in my kitchen, hands covered in meatloaf, my mind spinning 100 miles per hour. The rest of the weekend we discussed the pros and cons (“free” babies was a pro, while moving very regularly was considered a con) and I went into research mode.
How was I going to navigate military life? Moving? ALL the acronyms? (Did you know they basically speak in code? -Tricare? OPSEC? CONUS?) What about when we had kids? Should we rent or buy?
Within a year of that initial conversation, my husband was commissioned into the Navy
and we were expecting our first child. Our life completely changed.
Now, several years, three babies and 2 deployments later, I can safely say that I’m fairly confident with the inner workings of some of military life. There are still many surprises and the phrase “hurry up and wait” is highly applicable, but I’ve come to learn there are some excellent resources if you are just starting out on your ‘military life/military spouse/military something?’ journey.
So here are some helpful tips gleanedfrom my own personal journey that can help you settle in/navigate the military spouse life.
Join the groups
One of the first things I’d suggest doing is getting involved with the groups in your area. On all bases, no matter your branch, there are lots of classes and groups especially for military spouses.
Family Readiness Groups (FRGs) are especially helpful due to their immediate resources that can point you in the right direction, whether it’s in regards to employment opportunities, child care, financial resources, activities on base, etc.
Additionally, in this world of social media, there are many Facebook groups available with members who have ‘military spouse’ experience ranging from 1-25+ years. Just search for one in your area or a general one that suits your needs.
One of the best pieces of advice I received in regards to PCSing (Permanent Change of Station) or “moving”, is to invest in Ziploc bags. Not only do I pack small items I don’t want to end up at the bottom of boxes, but I also pack my “delicates” and my baby’s clothes in them. Because who wants strange movers touching those?! Check out my previous posts for other PCS tips I have gathered over the years.
Save for a rainy day
No matter what stage of life you are in, it’s important to have the mindset of saving for the future. In general, I believe the military takes good care of its people (although not all may agree). However, there are things you should do to make sure your family will be financially secure no matter the circumstances.
These include having a Power of Attorney (especially with deployments), SGLI, joint accounts, college savings plans (when applicable), etc. Additionally, a seasoned military spouse advised me that our family should have our own plan for saving outside of any resource offered by the military. So we have our own IRA accounts through USAA that we can access as needed.
For day-to day-saving, we deposit money directly from my husband’s paycheck into our savings accounts, use amazing resources for budgeting such as Cash envelope systems, and meal plan with apps such as Favoreats and Plan-to-Eat. All of these different steps you can take add up to lots of savings and peace of mind over time.
Make yourself an asset
I’ve been lucky to have a mobile career (Both as a mom blogger and as a speech-language pathologist) and I have worked from home a lot while living the life of a military spouse. However, I’ve also had the opportunity to work outside of the home in several settings, all while moving every 2 years and having children.
So many spouses feel they are unable to work outside of the home simply because of the military lifestyle they now live. But I’ve found that many spouses and their skills are actually MORE desirable to the workforce than we often give ourselves credit for. Not only do we usually have diverse experiences such as living in different parts of the country/world, but we are seen as dependable and resilient.
I was hired for a Per Diem Speech-Language Pathology position while we were stationed in Virginia. Not only did they know I was military, but I was expecting my second child. The director of the department looked me dead in the eyes and said “If you can handle being a military spouse, I truly believe you can handle anything.”
There are lots of different options for employment for ALL careers, tastes, and desires, everything from sales to babysitting. Some good places to look if you want to find employment or even change careers include MyCAA, Military One Source, and your local base’s employment center.
Stay true to yourself
I love my family. I dedicate most of my time and energy to cooking, cleaning, planning, budgeting and making sure my husband and kids are happy and healthy. However, I have always believed that it is impossible to fill someone else’s “cup” if your own cup is empty. I know I must take care of myself, first and foremost, in order to support the spiritual, mental and emotional health of my family.
This includes asking for help when needed, getting part-time work outside of the home, exercising (and actually going to the gym instead of always working out at home), taking part in church and other religious activities and cultivating old and new hobbies.
Have you wanted to go back to school? Lose weight? Get back into painting? The military life can provide you with many opportunities to accomplish your goals and make friends with similar interests along the way.
Check the attitude at the door
A wonderful spouse at our first duty station noticed that I was having a hard time with the transition. I’d just had my first baby, was far away from family and friends and wasn’t sure how to accept my husband’s new job when I barely saw him. She looked me right in the eye and said, “The Navy is not a job, it is a lifestyle. The sooner you accept and embrace this, the happier you will be.” Nothing could be closer to the truth.
So, if you are struggling like I was, take a step back and try to look on the bright side so you can start to see the positives of this lifestyle. These could include military discounts, ability to travel, or maybe the idea that if you are not happy with your current situation, it will all probably change in 2-3 years.
Life in general, but especially military life, is all about perspective.
Make the best of it and enjoy the adventure.
So whether you’re in the trenches of your first deployment, just got to your first duty station or your husband recently surprised you (like mine did) with the news of a military life in your near future, I hope you’ll keep an open mind and heart and dive right in!
Know that this lifestyle is an opportunity for growth but also is something that requires work, sacrifice and a sense of humor as well. Using the tips above, we have been able to achieve some of our financial goals, gained essential job skills for after his retirement and have had the opportunity meet some amazing people.
