In my almost 6 years as a MILSO AND mom I have experienced 6 periods of time solo parenting. The day comes quickly and at first, it feels like just another day of my husband leaving for work. I know it is going to be hard for all of us and we will stretch and grow in so many ways and by the end of it, I am settling into my new role solo parenting during deployment.
Why is Solo Parenting so Hard?
There are so many reasons solo parenting sucks. They all come back to one main issue: you are doing it alone. Your spouse or the other parent isn’t there to hand things off to when you’re losing your mind.
So you’re doing it alone. Your kids are all wonky because their other parent isn’t around. And most days you’re trying to just get through to bedtime. You may wonder, how, even with all of this hardship, can we make these solo parenting seasons something we embrace instead of endure?
Luckily, there are some simple ways to make solo parenting a little bit easier, some of which can be tackled ahead of time. So here are some of my solo parenting hacks to use the next time your spouse deploys.
Follow a Schedule
A schedule can be a life saver when you are solo parenting. Not only does it keep everything familiar and consistent to the children, but it also will give you the same comfort and familiarity. If you are not into a strict schedule, having a routine can be just as beneficial.
Stay Consistent
It is temping to use a deployment as an excuse to throw rules and usual expectations out the window, but it will only backfire. Especially with kids. The more the lax on your typical rules, the more you will have difficulty getting everything back to as it was before when your SO returns.
Say NO
This is not the time to be busy for the sake of being busy. Learning how to say no to new and busy commitments will relieve you of building stress. You are not superwomen. You can’t do everything. Your kids need to come first. Do you already have a lot on your plate? Maybe consider saying no to those commitments that are weighing your down.
Rely on Your Tribe
Having a reliable tribe is a must when you are solo parenting. If you have your people, use them when you need to. I recommend finding other moms who are going through deployments too. Make plans to get together on a regular basis and let your kids play together. This will keep you busy and will give you people who understand what you are going through.
Take Time for Yourself
When solo parenting, we have all our focus on our kids. And there is nothing wrong with this. They are our world after all. HOWEVER, during any length of a deployment, it is vital to take some time for yourself. When your SO is around, you have more opportunities to walk away when stressed. Not so much when solo parenting.
Although it can seem daunting, finding a sitter who can give you the break is a very important step towards surviving, and thriving while solo parenting. I have been blessed to find fellow moms, and other sitters who love my kids. But it wasn’t without a lot of work. Take some time, complete the interviews, even ask fellow moms for recommendations; you will find something amazing!
Meal Prep
I am absolutely a fan of my chest freezer. Before every deployment, long training or patrol, I make sure to stock that with essentials so dinners are much simpler. I have young kids, so some staples include chicken nuggets, frozen waffles, yogurt sticks, and pre-made meals I can dump in the crock pot, instant pot or oven.
Even if you do not have a deep freezer, meal prepping/planning can save you some heartache in the long run. But remember, there is NOTHING wrong with cereal for dinner. Not even a little bit.
Set Some Goals
Motivation is hard to come by sometimes. As a mom, sometimes I feel like my goals need to be put on the back burner for those around me. Deployments are actually a great time to make some goals. Involve the kids! Make family goals! You will be shocked by how making family goals can not only help pass the time, but also bring you all together.
Take Advantage of Online Shopping/Grocery Pick Up
Let’s be honest, no one wants to drag their kids to the store. I can’t be the only one…right? My world changed when I discovered online grocery pick up/delivery. When we lived in San Diego, I also got a glorious taste of Amazon Prime Now. Seriously, the BEST! Many times, pick up is free, so do your research and take advantage!
Do not Compare Yourself to Others
Every single deployment, military family and solo parenting journey is different. Don’t be fooled by the Pinterest/Instagram worthy photos you see about all this MILSO or thank MILSO have accomplished. Did you not get a special outfit for school photos? Or maybe you bought the cake fo your son’s party instead of making it? Embrace it!
Above all, Keep Perspective
No matter how long a deployment is, it will be temporary, and your spouse will be home again with you and your children. This is hard to remember sometimes, but if you can put the deployment in perspective, that can be helpful. While you will have to do it more than once at some point with a spouse in the military, you won’t always have to do it alone.
