It takes a special kind of person to not only desire a relationship with someone serving in the military, but to also have the strength to maintain the relationship and continue to grow with his or her partner. Military relationships function on an entirely different dynamic that few people understand.
The first time I met my husband was at church during a single’s activity. He was quiet and reserved and all I knew was that he was a military man. He even wore his uniform on our official first date.
Over the years, I went from being a military girlfriend, to a civilian’s girlfriend, to a civilian’s wife and then a military spouse. And let me tell you, being a MILSO is far more different than I anticipated those many years ago.
Here are five things you will learn in a military relationship really quickly.
1. There Are a Lot of Acronyms.
BAH, PCM, NEX, LOL, JK. Seriously….what?!
It still shocks me to this day how many there are. And there are different once for each branch too.
When you encounter a situation in which they’re used, you’re going to feel like the stereotypical, clueless civilian spouse all military personnel joke about. Trust me, I did.
But don’t worry. You’ll catch on eventually, and you might even find yourself speaking in the same jargon one day and confusing the new MILSO at the FRG meeting.
2. MILSOs have a really great bond.
MILSO is slang for “Military Significant Other.” This includes girlfriends, boyfriends and spouses in a military relationship. It is amazing to me how different people from all different walks of life, and even associated with different branches of the military can come together. We all have one another’s backs and always have an open shoulder to cry on.
Don’t be afraid to go out and find your tribe. They will be there to laugh with, cry with and for those times when you don’t want to go watch the latest chick flick alone on valentine’s day.
3. We need to be flexible and creative with career paths.
While I was in college, I knew I wanted to have a degree that would give me a career. I graduated with a degree in Speech-Language Pathology and after a couple years, I landed my “dream job”.
Well…then my husband joined the military. I made the choice to be with my husband and move every 2 years around the country and world. I thought I was just putting my career on the back-burner.
Thankfully, I was wrong!
I was able to find a remote position, service my ideal community via tele-intervention. It has blossomed into a position I thoroughly enjoy and continue to pursue each and every year, even with multiple kids and moves.
Thanks to really amazing companies, there are some great remote opportunities for you, AS LONG as you keep expectations flexible and creative. It may not by what you thought you wanted at first, but it may turn out to be exactly what you needed at the time.
4. Deployment Can Be Hard.
Usually the first one is the hardest, but they never really get “easier”. I went through my first deployment while pregnant with our first child. Since then, we have been through 7, each of varying lengths.
I’ve had to be flexible with expectations, and try to stay sane through those times when I just wanted him back home.
I’ve learned that Murphy’s Law is real, that deployment countdowns are helpful and that having a tribe is vital. I had to learn go to movie theaters along, I picked up hobbies I can do independently, and teach my kids daily that daddy loves them and will be home soon.
And getting a Daddy Doll is totally helpful too!
5. It’s worth it.
No matter how hard I think I have it, I try to remind myself that my husband always has it harder than I ever will.
He’s worked thousands of miles out at sea with no land in sight. Plus hundred of feet below the surface in a small and confined space. He’s stayed up until 2 am after working an 18-hour day in order to have a 10 minute Facetime conversation with me. There have been many holidays alone, in a small room with freeze dried food for his celebration meal.
Most importantly, he’s putting his life on the line for a country of people who will never meet him.
If he does all this for his country, you can’t even imagine what he would do for me and his kids.
