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The Silent Service: To the MILSO of a Submariner

My husband has been in the Navy for several years and in that time, he has been on three different type of ships: two surface ships and a submarine. As a MILSO, I always thought that all sea duty (being stationed on a ship) is the same. But I was wrong! They don’t call it the Silent Service for nothing! Being a MILSO of a submariner can be eye opening for those who are not use to it.

How are they so different from other ships? The biggest way is in how you communicate with your service member. So if you are a MILSO of a submariner, here are some main areas you should be aware of and some tips to get through it!

Communication

It is possible to stay in touch with a submariner, it just takes some planning, effort, and a bit of understanding. As the MILSO of a submariner, your main source of communication is email. Our emails tend to be a few paragraphs and informative. But do not be alarmed if your emails from your submariner is shorter. With some of my fellow sub wives friends, they’re lucky to even get a few sentences.

Consistency with email can be pretty sketchy. For example, they might not even receive your email at all and vice versa. This can be due to censorship, lack of reception or the submarine may not be allowed to receive communication for a period of time.

There were times when I didn’t email everyday because most of the time I felt like I would be rambling about nothing at all, or repeating myself. Especially when I didn’t hear back from him for weeks at a time. But we created a system that I would recommend to everyone: We would number each and every email we would send. This works because not only does it help you know what you have already talked about, BUT it also helps your loved one to keep track of the order when they are given 4-5 emails at a time and trying to piece it all together.

Remember – Nothing is Private

When your sailor is gone, you will be constantly being warned about what you should choose to share with your sailor. This is because all emails are censored. There are over 300 key words that are looked for with each communication. If any of those words are notes, the emails are flagged and sent to the Chief of the Boat (COB) to go through. He looks over them individually himself. I can only imagine the stuff he reads! Keep this in mind as you write letters to your loved one!

Once your email is checked over and nothing is found to be wrong, it will be sent to a file ready for your sailor. Sometimes this can take a while, but other times it happens pretty quickly. I never have real problems with my emails getting censored, but I quickly learned that automatic signatures will cause a problem. When I started deleting these email signatures, I stopped getting editing notifications. Just a quick tip!

Care Packages and Letters

Sending packages and letters to your submariner isn’t impossible, but it is way different than with other ships. Depending on the type of submarine (Fast Attack or Boomer) will depend on the availability of mail drops and packages arriving to your sailor. Fast Attack submarines go to different ports while they are out. These ships sometimes receive mail when in port, and sometimes when they meet up with other ships at sea. If you want to send mail to your submariner, make sure you have the ‘address’ before he leaves because it may not be possible for him to email it through his secure email. Boomers do not go to outside “ports” when they are out on patrol. So they typically do “mail drops” instead.

Letters have a better chance of arriving than packages – they sometimes don’t get packages until after they’ve returned from deployment! If you send a card or letter, you can use a regular stamp. If you mail a package, the postage doesn’t cost anything extra, but your will have to fill out a customs form. Don’t forget it or your package will end up back in your mailbox, not with your sailor!

Don’t be Discouraged.

Here are some tips when it comes to sending letters and packages. In the past, I have planned ahead and sent cards with him when he left on deployment. I plan in advance when I know he will be gone for major holidays. So I write him notes, date the envelopes and make sure they get packed in his sea bag. I also make sure to include a “halfway box” care package! Using some beautiful care package kits from Countdowns and Cupcakes, I would get a box full of goodies, essentials and treats and he would be able to open it as part of the boat’s Halfway Night celebration.

You are able to send mail to your submariner, but you’ll have to consider the amount of time it may take for them to receive it. However, if your sailor’s submarine has random “mail drops” sprinkled throughout the deployment, I recommend taking advantage. The ombudsman will get the notice about 24-72 hours in advance with specific criteria for the mail drop. One lucky soul gets the task of carrying letters from all of us to everyone on the submarine.

Other Options

Port calls are a great time for skyping or even phone calls. Fast Attack Submarines sometimes get this option for communication so if you have this available, make sure to discuss with your SO ahead of time about expectations. Also remember, if he does not contact you, it probably isn’t because he didn’t want to. He does not always have a say on what is available during Port calls.

Dealing with the Frustrations as a MILSO of a Submariner

With any deployment, there’s plenty of hurdles that you’ll have to get over. Our first deployment was a major learning experience. I learned quickly what to expect from there.

First, there are times when your SO can receive emails but not send them. Also remember that he can read your messages and keep them coming, even if you know he can’t write back for a few weeks. It can be frustrating, annoying, and downright lonely, but remember that he is probably incapable of responding if you don’t hear back for a while. During one of the patrols, we didn’t hear from our loved ones for over 2 months. However, our SOs continued to receive our emails and my husband expressed how much that meant to him.

Secondly, be cautious how you express your frustrations. You are upset because you haven’t heard back from him, need advice or assistance or are on the verge of tears because homecoming was changed. You will want to write to him and express all those emotions and feelings. Of course! He is your “person” after all. But remember, your sailor has no control over the situation. When you “vent” to him, it doesn’t actually help at all. Imagine how he feels knowing he’s causing your unhappiness and has no power over the situation. By not taking your frustrations out on your sailor, you can help ensure he’s looking forward to seeing you and help keep him in a better mood while they’re away.

Stay Positive!

Keeping in touch with a submariner who’s on deployment is difficult, but not impossible. Imagine 10, 15, or even 20 years ago before email and other forms of electronic communication were readily available! I for one have found that being a MILSO of a submariner to be one of the hardest duty stations we have encountered. When a submariner you love is preparing to go on deployment, just remember to plan ahead, put in some effort, and show understanding and you’ll both have a far better experience.

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Hi! Welcome to Mrs. Navy Mama.

I’m Noralee- a military wife of over 10 years, mother of three (soon to be 4) under 5, and lover of southern comfort food, my planner and chocolate. Military life is hard, no question.

Mrs. Navy Mama is a place where new military girlfriends, fiancees, or spouses can get tips and an honest perspective about military challenges.