Making new friends as an adult pretty much sucks.
In high school and college, meeting friends was simple and more built into the system. You are pushed into new situations with a bunch of other people that are new too. Then you go to class, clubs, and sporting events and just meet people as you go. Suddenly you are best friends and you can’t imagine life without them.
But what happens when you grow up, move somewhere new and there’s no classes to go to? Moving can be such a lonely thing, especially if your spouse isn’t around much.
This is basically the life of a military spouse.
This life comes with a lot of uncertainty, a lot of change, a lot of highs and lows, and just a lot of things that are hard for anyone to comprehend if they haven’t lived it. Having someone to vent to, someone to help you out at a moment’s notice with no hesitation, someone to just be there and understand is absolutely priceless.
Here are 4 main friends that every military spouse needs in her tribe.
The Local
Ever feel lost when you get to a new duty station? Yep! However, finding someone who grew up in the area is your way to find comfort. They can tell you about the city, where to go, where not to go, help you locate your favorite stores or find new ones to fill in the gaps. They can introduce you to their friends, and help you get to know your new city, which is important, especially when murphy’s law hits during a deployment.
The Outgoing One
I am not an introverted person typically, but when I move to a new place, sometimes I need a push to move forward and make friends. One of the best things that can happen to a military spouse in a similar situation is making friends with an extroverted military spouse. That person can be your connection to so many other people.
Sure, it may seem intimidating to snatch up and bond with the outgoing mil-friend, but trust me, it’s worth it! This milso will invite you on play dates, bring you along for “girl/guy’s night” and introduce you to neighbors. Not only is this person connected and can help you step out of your shell but you don’t have to do it alone, which increases your comfort level.
The One in the Same Stage of Life
There are so many ways to connect when you are in the same stage of life as someone. Maybe you are a newlywed, a parent of littles, have multiple children or have furry babies – finding the person who can relate to your state of life makes things so much better!
If you have kids, finding friends who have kids the same age as you is such a wonderful thing. Even better when all your kids get along. You can get the kids together, while you guys hang out. I have four kids very close in age and figured I would never find a milspouse in the same state of life. Boy, was I wrong! I found 2 actually at my last duty station, and I was able to not only connect with those ladies, but connect them to each other.
The Seasoned Spouse
We all know how nerve racking it can be when you are new to military life to understand what is going on at every waking moment. Understanding Tricare, first deployment, reading the LES…need I go on? A seasoned spouse will help you navigate not only this life with more ease, but also help you be more comfortable with things about your new duty station. That spouse would know where to get a new ID if you lose yours, which military doctors are the best, or who to call when the hot water heater in base housing goes out.
So, how do you find them?
Now that you have an idea of the type of milspouse you are looking for, it’s time to build and grow your tribe! Although there are many different ways, when I am asked this question, I always say “go join the groups”! As a MILSO, there are many opportunities to meet others in your service member’s command, squadron, base and/or corps. Social media is a common avenue to locate these groups. Groups range from wine tastings, playdates, coffee meet-ups, book clubs, outdoor activities, photography, paint nights, crafts and so many more. You’re bound to find something that peaks your interest and is worth your time.
It’s Worth it!
So my dear fellow milso, if you are asking yourself if making friends at your new duty station is even worth it…the answer is yes. If you are wondering if it is possible to get these types of friends, the answer is also yes! These milso and civilian friends will make your life so much richer. Find these friends at every duty station, and keep them as you move from place to place. You will not regret it!
